Weaponise my little darlings? What in the name of Crom is he wibbling about!?!

Well, my avid readers ever eager for my worldly wisdom and lashings of tomfoolery, what am I talking about? I’m talking about the scourge of humanity, the end of days and the hammer of damnation; I’m referring to the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!!

Are you safe? Do you think you’re ready, do you?? Well, we at the Thomas foundation are…ish.

Okay, some of you might now be thinking I’ve misplaced my keen sense of reality, but no!! I have proof the undead are set to rise from their graves and suck the brains through your nose!! Am I mad? No, not at all. After all the medication following the accident has all but stopped the twitching episodes g@F:Freggggggg..fg,.s’GSD..fg… Well, almost.

Watch this dude on YouTube. Not only is he really entertaining, but he is while I’m typing he’s developing weapons with which to counter the legions of undead!!

https://www.youtube.com/user/JoergSprave

Another defensive stalwart is this next guy. While he might only be honing his zombie take down on line, at least he’s preparing. I urge you to watch this guy as he is really amusing and who knows, you might learn something that may save your life.

https://www.youtube.com/user/FRANKIEonPCin1080p

If you’re still with me this far then I know what you’re thinking, but you’d be wrong. I’ve not been at the cat litter again (it gets stuck in my teeth) and I packed up drinking along time ago when I got married; obviously…

 

My contribution to the cause is that of chief weapon smith – I made all the swords, etc – and have taken it upon myself to temper my prodginy! Currently I have both my kids on a grueling close combat training regime designed to maximize both body count and survive-ability come judgement day. It makes Krav Maga training look like a toe nail painting seminar.

 

Firstly I burred them without food or water for three days and nights in the back garden. While they ‘endured’, I made them eat all their vegetables and flogged them with the socks, pants and other items of clothing they constantly leave strewn about their bedrooms.  While this might sound barbaric to some, I needed to know if they have the metal to complete the training. You’ll be happy to know they both passed with flying colours!

 

Subject: Lilly Thomas. Code name ‘The pink bulldozer’.

 

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Lilly in mid attack. The training dummy didn’t stand a chance.

 

Judging by the unbridled savagery in Lilly’s eyes, it seems my draconian methods worked. Biting, of which she as taken to, isn’t allowed. During the last two weeks of boot-camp, I’d like a pound for every time she’s sunk her teeth into me. My fingers, arms, face and back are a patchwork testament to not only Lilly’s jaw strength but her inability to follow simple instructions! She is whirling dervish and thus a work in progress.

 

Subject: Luke Thomas. Code name ”Hair helmet”.

 

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Luke, being gentler by nature, was harder to train I struggled for days trying to find his inner ungowa! Who’d have thought a child with no volume control would take to espionage like a window licker to a green-house! Once he mastered the art of camouflage their was no stopping him!! Now I dare not wander the house at anytime without the means to protect myself for fear he’ll strike with blinding speed and deadly accuracy.

So, The Thomas foundation are ready. Are you?

 

Matt..

 

 

PS, next project…home made ballistic weapons!!

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