It’s official, grass is shit.

So that may not be the most eloquent way to start a blog but when you’ve a limited grasp of reality, you say it as you see it. My peeve is with mowing the lawn. I don’t much like doing it and surely I can’t be the only carbon based life form that feels the same? I mean really, what is their to like?! You drag the crusty old mower out of the garage, then spend an hour or more mincing up and down the garden trying to make pretty lines.


Maybe it’s not grass, maybe its the mower? After all without grass there’d be no cricket, football or rugby. No forget what I just said. It isn’t the grass nor the mower – even though it winds me up when it decides its had enough and packs up for five minuets – it’s the speed in which the grass grows.

The average English summer is often punctuated by showers and occasional sunny outbursts. In this time my back garden all too quickly turns into a wild botanical habitat in which you can easily loose a child for a week. When this happens not only am I forced to drag out the mower but I have to dust off the bloody strimmer as well.  


Picture to prove.



Never fear, I have the solution. AstroTurf. It’s a miracle of modern plastic and…stuff. No longer is AstroTurf’s only purpose to shear skin from 5-aside footballers daft enough to slide tackle. No, it’s a modern solution to an age old problem. 


Wow, what a head turning, trend setting blog topic that is. That’s sure to get the readers flocking to read about grass… Keep with me though, the fart gags are a coming.


Look at this guy, he is amazing.


If you’re not impressed by that then you have no soul. 

So, peace be with thee, etc, and later.