Right, I’ll kick this chapter off by saying sorry. Sorry? What on earth have I to be sorry about? Believe me, you have NO idea… However, I’d like to take the time to assure you it has nothing to do with: excessive flatulence (I’m gluten intolerant, I tell you!!), cow tipping (The fuzz dusted that bovine for prints but no evidence was found – result!!), purple Hermans (It’s an extreme nipple twister.), laziness (Okay, maybe sometimes.), playing TOO many video games like world of tanks, Dayz standalone and Dayz Epoch mod (Okay…ALL the time.), my staggering levels of childishness (Bottom…) or even my frequent and often profane outbursts (Bull s**t. Like f**k do I swear that much, you P*i*ks.)


Nope, it’s none of those.


***Honesty leak alert!***

Okay, okay, I am extremely childish and sometimes prone to being bone idle but what can you do when you look this good with Speedos on your head? That, mind you, is another (fictional) story for another time.


No, what I’m sorry about is the inevitable typos and other f**k ups are sure to happen. We’ve all been their and know the score. Yes, we’ve all sent a garbled, completely incomprehensible text message that appeared to have been typed with ones forehead. Yep, you guessed it, this blog comes via my mobile.


Right, now the dumb f**k disclaimer has been posted, I can continue.


The purpose of this blog is to bring to light what I see as sci-fi being stripped of all complexity in order the crayon eating masses don’t burst a vein trying to figure out what they just saw. I believe it’s devaluing the genre.


In one corner you have Blade Runner. This didn’t need CGI, hell no, why would it when the plot and performances within this masterpiece make this, for me, an classic and the pinnacle of sci-fi film production. Blade Runner is without doubt my favorite film of all time.




Following Blade Runner I submit the original Alien film. Mother of god that was a good movie; hell, it still is. Can you remember the feeling of complete claustrophobia Diddly Squat (Ridley Scott) created? It was terrifyingly awesome. Okay this was a later film and owed a great deal of its success to special effects but the effects didn’t undermine and over power the story.



Lastly on the winners podium I give you…Inception!!! Smash my face in and call me Janet, this was a staggeringly good film. Leonardo Dicaprio might for some reason annoy the crap out of me but by god he’s is a fantastic actor.




The depth of story is most evident in Blade Runner and Inception but all three films allow the viewer to somewhat make up their minds on how it ‘ended’. True enough their is only one correct ending  but I love the process of getting to that conclusion. I see it as a challenge to my intelligence and my creative mind. ***STOP*** A challenge to my intelligence and creative mind! What the f**k. I sound like a complete knob. Oh well, it’s true, I love my imagination to be taxed and tested. As my friends, I always find imaginative ways to f**k things up and new insults to hurl at them.


So, what is watering down Sci-fi, I hear you cry aloud? Well, here is a list of while not entirely bad films but films that make you go ‘hummmpf’ once it’s finished tying up all the loose plot lines so you don’t have to think anymore.


Oblivion…this wasn’t such a bad film and Morgan Freeman played his typically strong suit as a supporting actor. I liked the premise and the idea was sound but when it finished I was completely underwhelmed.




Next comes…Edge of Tomorrow. Again this wasn’t bad but it wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination good. Their was sooooooo much more they could have done with the film. When will those that stump up the cash for these films realize CGI effects can’t engage like a well written plot can/does/will. Again the premise of the film (although it was thin in places) wasn’t bad and the concept was sound, it left me feeling unsatisfied.





Okay, time out! Before all you Scientologist mentalists start hating me, I’m not simply bashing good old Tom for the sake of it. Honestly I loved minority Report. True it was because I spotted it was a Philip K Dick story a mile off rather than Tom’s acting, although he was pretty good in it. Hang on a second! Is Scientologist word/real religion? Hell, is it even a religion or a simply a mindset? Wait, maybe I should have looked this up bef…ahhhh f**k it, no one reads this s**t anyway.


Christ, it’s not like I said the movie After earth, staring another famous American scientologist, was so bad I contemplated wrapping my belt around my testicles until I passed out, is it? But After Earth was complete s**t, mind.




To finish to my mind a great story or brilliant acting is far more memorable than any special effects. No one will ever quote a computer generated image as readily as they would a stellar acting performance. I wait patently for the day where a director marries a great story with the best actors and uses (sparingly) the most cutting edge technology. Wow, imagine that…it would be frigging awesome!


Lastly… I’ve a bath to get into and I could rant and rave but to what end? Films are subjective and we all have different tastes. Despite that if you don’t like Blade Runner (David Lee Stone!!) then you’re a silly sausage who spends too much time clapping to himself while wearing his pants on the outside and whooping like a peacock.


Peace, my minions.