The following is a copy of a conversation with an excellent lady that works for PC world.

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Jessica: 
Hello, welcome to our live chat service. Is there anything we can help you with?
You: Do you know where I left Steve?
Jessica: Sorry I don’t
You: Steve is my Technicolored dream badger.
You: He and only he knows the way to the fridge.
Jessica: We must find Steve!!!
You: We must, it is important we do. Oh, and by golly it’s hot today.
You: I need a cold glass of milk, calms the nerves.
You: Would you like one?
Jessica: I would prefer some orange juice, but you need to start printing the lost posters for Steve so we can find him
You: Did you know milk is key ingredient in the manufacture of democracy.
You: Democracy can be found in the cupboard next to the fridge.
You: Don’t trust him though, democracy likes to set things on fire.
You: He burn the cat, don’t you know.
You: burnt*
Jessica: That is terrible,
You: Speaking of terrible, do you have any laptops without windows 8? Windows 7 laptops, they are the future…or is it furniture, I can’t recall.
You: It was the cat’s fault, mind.
You: He won’t listen and insists on trying to scale the back wall.
Jessica: You must stop him
You: Um, do you have any windows 7 laptops?
You: (That was me being serious.)
Jessica: It is a matter of utmost importance
Jessica: No, I am sorry but all of out laptop/desktop all have Windows 8 or 8.1 pre installed
You: I’ve tried to stop him but the cloaking device he stole off the gnomes enables him to move without being seen.
You: Noooooooooooo…..
You: Windows 8/8.1 is he work of Shaun.
You: Shaun the toilet duck/devil.
You: Okay then. What about SDD drives for desktops?
Jessica: Its not great compared to what they did have with windows 7, but you can buy it offline back up your PC then just install it
Jessica: And what would you like to know?
You: Thus far one has only found Samsung SDDs. Gordon Cor-Blimey said Samsung drives are made from old bottles tops and turkey necks, is that true?
Jessica: Sorry?
You: Buy it off-line? without an opperating system?
You: operating*
You: It’s okay, no need to feel sorry. I’m fine so long as I stay out of the sun.
Jessica: You could use the system you are currently on that should be running windows 7
You: But my system is like Mick Jagger, old and smells of cabbage.
You: (FLEX!!!!) 
You: In response to your sorry, my garbled question about SDDs was to ascertain if you sell anything other than Samsung. 
You: Mother of god, the cats at it again!
Jessica: Get the broom!
You: Good idea!
Jessica: And I will double check this is the mean time
You: Splendid.
You: I am forever in the shade and in your debt.
Jessica: OK so we do a few other than Samsung, Sand disk and OCZ it would appear
You: Damn my three fingers!
You: It appears I’ve miss-typed again!
Jessica: Oh and crucial
You: You’re right, it is crucial I find them!
You: Without my fingers I can’t play the banjo, nor efficiently scratch.
Jessica: It is one of the brands, but well played
You: Thank you.
Jessica: Teach the cat to help
Jessica: Or Steve when you find him
You: The cat only speaks Spanish.
You: Curse him.
Jessica: I recommend Rosetta stone if you want to learn Spanish
Jessica: He might listen to you then
You: Jessica, it has been a pleasure and rest assured I will forever place you on a pedestal and use you shadow to avoid UV damage and sun stroke!
Jessica: I am glad to hear it, I hope I have helped and it is safe to say you have made my day
You: Before I lost my fingers to Maximilian Spleen – the local card shark (he’s a great white) – I had a perfect set of digits.
You: And since loosing them mine and the cat’s friendship has soured somewhat.
You: It’s hard to communicate in sign language with only two middle fingers and one thumb! Everything is a’okay or f**k off!
You: Oh Jesus, I only have two fingers, not three…
Jessica: I would just draw a diagram with my toes
You: And on that note I will dive head first out of the window in an effort to wipe my memory so I may learn from my mistakes…
You: Wait, that is complete gibberish!!
You: I am, however, glad to have cheered you up and thank you for enlightening me on what brands of SDDs you have.
Jessica: No problem
Jessica: Should you have any questions in the future, please feel free to chat with us again.
You: Like the late and great Mork once saidto Mindy.
You: Nanoo-nanoo.
You: x
Jessica: Take care
Jessica: I hope you have a great day!
You: You to, over and out!

Matt..

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