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Reviews: Game of Thrones – Season 6 Episode 5. 

SPOILER ALERT! This post will contain shit that’ll ruin both your life and Game Of Thrones. You’ve been warned…

 

Still here? Champion! Then I’ll begin.

 

Right, I’m pissed off, massively pissed off. Why? Well, one certain aspect of this weeks GOT was weak as fuck!!! Yes, you heard me straight. I just said GOT is weak as fuck! Well, not all of it, obviously, just one bit. Before you ask, no, I’ve not just shot gunned a 24 crate of red bull, nor have I held my breath until I go all light headed, and yes I know by bitching about GOT, I run the risk of being lynched by a mob of red face angry virgins baying blood. But fuck it, this is how I roll.

 

*Cop-out disclaimer time! I’m a certified twat and a sci-fi/fantasy snob who freely admits to having donned my uber-critical-wanker-hat after discovering that good old George is now writing new and uncharted material. For fuck sake dude, why didn’t you just ask me? Christ, I’m broken in all the right places to dream up plenty ‘o weird arsed content. Before you know it the show would be knee deep in asthmatic tobacco chewing ferrets wanting to turn the throne into a bird bath, while skinning Ramsey for being an bellend.

Am I wrong, however, in understanding  that George has recruited new blood to help his aching bones drag his carcass over the finishing line, or has he been doing that all along? Answers on a post card/post if you cab be arsed. Again George, where was me email? Prick.

As a result of me being an uber-critical chump, I can’t shake this nagging feeling that not only is trying to ruin my viewing pleasure, but worries me they’ll go and balls up all the good work done thus far.

 

Don’t worry, I’m almost at the point where I tell you what I thought was wrong with the episode; chill!

 

White Walkers, they’re white and they, um, walk… Love ’em or hate ’em – and I love ’em – I feel they were criminally under played in this weeks show. I mean what the flying fuck! Their whole back story was encapsulated in a single frigging vision that lasted no more than 20 chuffing seconds! George, I beg you, please for the love of the dragons, sack whomever thought that was okay!!

The Walkers are meant to be the end of days element created by that freaky looking female dryad because she was pissed that bloody Ikea had cut down her hedge, or something like that. I mean get real, the Walkers deserved way more of a build up than a swift shot of her sacrificing some geezer tied to a tree and in turn creating an army with which to fight the encroaching humans. I’ve no problem with the story premise, it’s a nice neat one, but I do have a problem that they didn’t even bother their arses to attempt to engage us on anything other than a visual level. Their was nothing to under pin the plight of the forrest dwellers, nothing. All we got was a half arsed remark from the green-eyed-bint when Bran questioned her. Her response was she’d spawned the shit storm  to protect themselves from Scandinavian loggers. Am I wrong in being this picky? Not sure, but I don’t think so. I totally understand the majority of each series serves only to set up the inevitable blood bath that is the last episode and the occasional curve ball, but unless their is something seriously meaty winging its way to back up the White Walkers creation, then I feel they’ve missed out on a rich theme.

 

Otherwise I’m loving GOT. I have to admit, however, the scene with the guy examining his wang back stage for warts caught me by surprise. But boobies are making a come back and while that is good, I suppose you have to have something for the ladies…even If it was a flaccid lumpy winky.

 

Peace.

 

PS, I get bored proof reading and apologise if nothing I say makes sense.

 

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