Their are some people you just have to talk about…and here is one of them!





This picture was lifted off the net and I’m pretty sure its from his latest book, Absolute Pandemonium. How fitting, the man is distilled chaos!


Just in case I get in to likeness trouble, their is no pluralistic intent, just homage.


I’ve deliberately avoided doing too much in the way of research, I want this to be an honest appraisal of what I see as a people watcher.

I don’t care to list his achievements: his expeditionary ventures, the books he’s written, nor his film or documentary contributions, no, this is about the man himself. The man, the myth, the living fucking legend!


Initially this blog started out as a comical whos-who of great bearded folk, and while attempting to compile a list, Brian, as he seems to, quickly stole the show.Before too long I ended up on YouTube watching endless clips of him traumatising limp wankers with his bombastic outbursts, or utterly charm the audience with his vigorous anecdotes and energetic humour. Shit and bodily functions factor heavily in many of these, by the way.

However, If their were a list of the very best bearded men of the world, then I’m sure he’d be right up the top of the pile.


I urge you to watch some of his documentaries on YouTube. The man is utterly irresistible, he’s a human tsunami. A towering presences. Engaging, energetic and charismatic are but a few adjectives you could use when describing him, but they’d somehow fall short I’d say. Oh, not forgetting modest, he is oh sooooo modest.

But seriously, if you watch you’d forgive him for being a somewhat a tongue in cheek braggart as his stories, while entertaining, are loaded with humility and respect. The way he talks about others he admires opens up a door to his inner workings. Once you’ve peeked inside, his bellowing voice and outlandish mannerisms somehow seems appropriate and somewhat less daft.

While I imagine he’d be a foe that’d test the mettle of your mettle, I’d bet both knackers he’d be a true and unshakeable friend. He talks about his relationship with Richard O’toole, whom he applauds as the very greatest actor, and his father. Both are treated with reverence and such insightful grace you can’t but like the man even more. I mean come on, he’s a mans man and a good man to boot!

He has a presence and a confidence to meet any challenge, and more to his eternal credit was the touching mention he made when comparing asking his wife for their first kiss and how much harder that was than climbing Everest. He seems to be an expert reader of people and somehow is able to unpick a person. I’ve heard him say on many an occasion how he likes the diversity in humanity and how nature doesn’t cheat.


He is famous for his stories and one of the most talked about was when he punched an intruding polar bear on the nose after it tore open his tent. Mother of god, he chinned a chuffing polar bear and was most pleased that it wasn’t shot and he’d saved its life. While that sounds complete bollocks, it’s true. Well, I completely believe him! To be honest you’re all-but compelled to believe anything he says simply because he said it.

Possibly my favourite story, although their are way too many to mention, is the one when he received a call from Professor Stephen Hawking regarding Stephen travelling in to space and does Brian think it a good idea. Wrong man to ask, really, Stephen. If he’d been hoping for something tender or delicate, he’d have been better suited jabbing a bear in the eye with a sharp stick.

Brian’s response, however, was pure comedy platinum. He simply tells the Professor ‘You’re going to fucking die anyway, so why not die up there?” Laughed my backside off.


The thing I like the most about him is he’s more than the sum of his parts. He was born in South Yorkshire, the son of a coal miner and lived a modest life as a boy. A boy that never stopped dreaming and hoping. But He’s more than that, way more than just a Great a Briton; he’s a true native of mother earth. He talks so enthusiastically and generously about beautiful places and peoples from over seas and how we can all achieve great things together if we put our minds to it. He, at the age of 79, has become a cosmonaut and this coming August will be travelling to the international space station. Surely by now you can’t doubt his place at the head of the bearded pantheon? He’s 79 years of age, for fucks sake! This might sound a bit like a bromance, but don’t we all need someone like Blessed in our lives to remind us its okay to fuck shit up, so long as you never, ever stop trying?


The man is a celebrated actor, so how cool would it be if he we’re in Game of Thrones? Given the gravity of his voice and impressive physical stature –  the man is 79 yet can still bench press 150kg  – I couldn’t help but think he’d be a majestic old warrior king, or a rum soaked mercenary pirate captain? That would be grand, no?


Anyway, I’m talking like he’s dead, but hell no! He still has more blood and thunder in his veins than a hundred men combined. Although age is undoubtedly pull at the seams of his flesh, his spirit burns so bright you can’t help but feed off his energy and get carried along in his slipstream.